Verily Virgo

Virgo, ah Virgo, where do I start? Vagabond vectors, verbal velocity, victorious virtuoso, vestal virago, voluminous variety - all the cool V words, including very. You could also use P words like perfectionist, picky, prudish and persnickety. All are true and yet are only a small part of the picture.

Virgo tends to have a very detailed picture of how they want the world to run. They know ahead of time exactly how everything should look, sound , taste and feel, and refuse to settle for anything less than what they want. I know this makes Virgo sound rigid but really they're very adaptable. A Virgo could give a disdainful sniff and then leave, or instantly stalk off in high dudgeon, or insist that someone fix things, or just dig in and make it all happen in precisely the way they want. That's waaaay flexible.

With an unbeatable eye for detail, a sure knowledge of what is right and the courage of their convictions - no matter how "out there" these convictions may be - Virgo are ideally suited to jobs like editor, legislator, brain surgeon, prison warden, or dictator of a small third world country. Basically anything that requires an unswerving vision, an ear for the truth and a nose for news. In the know and quietly evangelical about all things new especially when it comes to health and nutrition.

Virgo was know in ancient times as the sign of aunts and uncles; today we might think of Virgo as the sign of the mentor - someone who has your well being at heart, shows you a different way to look at the world and is completely unsentimental about it. Virgos genuinely care a lot but are never gooey.

Virgo is not for the faint of heart. You had better be sure you know who you are if you're going to be spending anytime with a Virgo. Otherwise you might just as well resign yourself to the disdainful sniff and the hasty exit. Beware, also, to take nothing for granted; if there's one thing Virgo won't tolerate it's the unmindful. Not surprisingly Virgos often get along well with other Virgos because they share an understanding, if not of what truly matters, then at least of what truly does not.

Love that Leo

It should be obvious that Leo enjoys being treated with pomp and circumstance, but they can smell a phony a mile away and will strive to preserve their dignity at all costs. In other words it is possible to walk a cat on a leash, but woe betide you if the feline in question spots it.

So, Leo, let's not squander the watts - let's say you're looking to fill an opening in your entourage. Who should you invite to share the golden aura?

Leo with Aries - are you looking for a lover or a hobby? How do you relate to something you can carry in your pocket?

Leo with Taurus - It's a question of subtlety - too much of everything with not enough glitter - you will not be pleased.

Leo with Gemini - The twins are natural linguists - just say NO in any and all languages you speak - non, nein, nyet,

Leo with Cancer - Your curiosity will be misinterpreted and your nose will be pinched. Nothing dignified there.

Leo with Leo - As prison inmates you would make a great pair....joint public appearances could become brawls.

Leo with Virgo - The one earth sign least apt to be so concerned with his or her own dignity that yours gets ignored.

Leo with Libra - Forget plausible deniability, you'll find yourself neutered and consigned to the back yard in a flash

Leo with Scorpio - You're an intelligent creature, and arrogance aside you know better than to try this one - back up slowly.

Leo with Sagittarius - You'll get lost in a myriad of re-locations and even though you could find your way home you won't bother.

Leo with Capricorn - Like Moulin Rouge - Bohemian artist meets social-climbing, bean-counting, horn dog - tragedy ensues.

Leo with Aquarius - An A-List couple in public, dynamite between the sheets but neither of you wants to do the dishes.

Leo with Pisces - Like cotton candy, Pisces will just melt in your mouth, and like bad seafood come back to haunt you.

Leo is Purrfect

It's hard not to overdo the cat imagery when you're talking about Leo but there really isn't a better way to describe the astrological lion. So let's see how many feline cliches I can dredge up! Leo is as sinuously graceful as a panther, as lethally sensuous as the tiger, as indolent as the adult male lion, as playful as a kitten and yes, we've all heard it, as arrogant as the most pampered pet. Oh, and not forgetting Morris, they can be finicky too.

A Leo will probably be the best lover you've ever had, a fantastic host, and the life of any party. It is not up to us as mere mortals to attempt to fathom the hows, whys and whats of a Leo. Got a Leo in your life? Friend, family or lover doesn't matter the same rules apply - make sure there's a sunny spot for uninterrupted naps, be prepared to dole out belly rubs on request and don't think twice if you're invited to come along for the ride. The pay off is well worth it.

All the sexy stuff aside, don't ever think that a Leo is all about the physical. The mind behind those gorgeous eyes is always working overtime and if you underestimate that then you'll find yourself left behind. On the other hand, if you're looking for someone fearlessly creative to brainstorm with, pull up a velvet cushion and sit yourself down.

Falling in love with love with Cancer......

Cancer love is the Marianas Trench of romance. It is a love the must be reciprocated with fearless commitment and is not to be undertaken by the false, the foolhardy or the faint of heart. The pressure is great; the rewards are immeasurable. Who's got what it takes?

Picture yourself, Cancer with each of these.....

Aries - As long as they're house-broken and self-cleaning, this could be that puppy you always wanted. Love and affection sprinkled with treats will win you a companion for life.

Taurus - There will always be muddy footprints tracked on your carpet. Hell even if you live in a mud hut, you can be sure, Taurus can find a way to muck it up even more.

Gemini - This will kick off allergy season nicely. And of course everyone thinks you're the weirdo, I mean how could anybody be allergic to something so pretty? Am I right?

Cancer - You'll have a hard time getting close enough to find out each other's names. Neither one of you will want to be the first to blink. Just turn around and walk away slowly.

Leo - This one will crack you open, and rip out your insides for a snack, leaving behind nothing but a trail of broken shell and a spreading butter stain.

Virgo - I'm not saying you need a pre-nup, but a list of rights and responsibilities wouldn't go amiss - something like a job description that lets you know who's in charge of what.

Libra - Remember Snow White? Cinderella? The Princess and the Pea? This is a high maintenance lover who tends to make you look a lot like an evil step mother.

Scorpio - Nobody can stir up your inner snob like a Scorpio. They won't do what you want them to and worse, they want their own way! Cretins!

Sagittarius - Never around when needed and always under foot when they're not. Showing up at all hours with friends in tow and never a phone call to let you know.

Capricorn - Beat this one to the pre-nup. You don't have to be a lawyer to know that Capricorn won't get any where without you so get your share up front.

Aquarius - You'll need an alibi going in because you will want to get rid of this one. Exterminate, eradicate, erase, end. Permanently.

Pisces - You better be in a take charge mood - all the time. Otherwise you'll wake up ten years from now to find yourself in the middle of a life you don't remember.

Introduction to Cancer June 22 - July 22, 2007

Get your goggles, fins and snorkels in place because this week we're visiting Cancer; The Crab, ruled by the moody Moon, key words I Feel.

Give their druthers, a Cancer would bring an armoured Winnebago to a Dodge 'Ems Ride. A penchant for cooking, cleaning and keeping their loved ones close has given them a reputation for being home-loving and maternal. In reality, home is truly where the heart is and Cancer is always in full, lock and load battle mode, prepared at all times and in all places to circle the wagons, bolt the doors, batten down the hatches and fight to defend everyone and everything they've ever cared about. It's no surprise that there's a new Die Hard and a new Rambo movie both coming out right now. John J. Rambo and John McClane are quintessential Cancers - at their best when fighting to protect something they love. Any attempt to breach or circumvent the security perimeter will land you firmly on their bad side; because justice will prevail and you will pay for every perceived crime, fault or lack.

Once you've been identified as friend not foe you'll find the warmest of welcomes inside the fortifications. It's cozy, bright and clean and it smells really nice. Honestly, in between the cooking and cleaning and upgrading the security systems, you wonder if Cancer has any time to relax and enjoy their own environments. And there in lies the rub.

Moony and moody is right because the lovely glow you see in a Cancerian's face is just one half of the story. Never forget that there's a whole other face, always in the dark, that you are not meant to see. During those phases when Cancer retreats into a shell, remember that they are plotting new defence strategies and if you want a place in those plans you better pick up any slack until the eclipse is passed.

Gemini in Love

There's a reason why the Sun's move into Gemini coincides with the beginning of the warmer weather. Gemini's love to celebrate life and if they can do it half naked so much the better. Let's look at your potential party mates and discover which ones are most likely to be bringing the blender drinks and which are running after you with a blanket.

Gemini with Aries - If they're prettier than you, or younger than you they will also be constantly upstaging you. If they're not prettier than you or younger than you there's no point.

Gemini with Taurus - This would last about a month and if you're smart you'll make that month the one with your birthday in it. Taurus can be very generous if operated properly.

Gemini with Gemini - Fun house extravaganza, a world of mirrors that always reflects your best side. You may frequently hear non-Geminis yammer on about the 'real world'.

Gemini with Cancer - It really depends on how good you look in black and whether or not you've ever dreamed of attending your own funeral.

Gemini with Leo - They operate under the delusion that they are the prettiest things on Earth and you simply refuse to tolerate or support their vain delusions.

Gemini with Virgo - Another fun house extravaganza, but in this house of mirrors you do look fat in those pants, metaphorically speaking that is.

Gemini with Libra - This relationship is soooo pretty and sparkly and bright that the average human being cannot look directly at the two of you.

Gemini with Scorpio - Like taking part in an ancient ritual only to discover that you're the human sacrifice. Hey, you're the one who wanted to be centre stage.

Gemini with Sagittarius - If everyone believes in fairies really hard this might work, otherwise you'll find yourself in an empty room shouting to be heard.

Gemini with Capricorn- This would be like dating Emily Post but without all the cozy bitch sessions you've always imagined the two of you sharing.

Gemini with Aquarius - Like one day you woke up, looked at your most annoying sibling and thought, wow you are hot! Didn't think so.

Gemini with Pisces - Think you lead a charmed life? You are about to learn how fraught with danger your world really is. And yes, there will be a quiz.

Gemini - May 21st to June 21st

Gemini's are very distinctive individuals with sparkling eyes, beautiful features and the lasting glow of youth. Yes, you can always tell a Gemini. But you can't tell them anything they don't already know and heaven forbid you tell them anything you don't want the rest of the world to know. Gemini is the sign of communication, ruled by Mercury the god of communication and boy do they communicate. This is not to say that they talk all the time....at least not out loud. You will find, however, that as you listen to a Gemini you have the uncanny feeling that you've interrupted an ongoing conversation. You probably have. Gemini is also the sign of the twins, so you never get just one Gemini, and a Gemini is never alone. This is not always a good thing as sometimes the twins argue, and a house divided against itself etc. means that Gemini is home to some of the craziest people out there.

That being said, you will never have a better time than when you're with a Gemini. They are not the life and soul of the party, they are the party. Imagine what Studio 54 would have been without a disco ball. That's what your life would be like without a Gemini in it somewhere. There would still be the sordid fraud, sex scandals and drug dealing but without the celebrities.

Gemini really trades on good looks which is not to say that they aren't intelligent. A smart Gemini, a whole Gemini will parlay beauty into photo ops and sound bites and they continue to trade up until they get to a podium and microphone. They love attention and have an innate ability to draw the spotlight after them. Never try to compete with a Gemini for air time; if you win they will hate you and if you lose they will crush you. Look how badly Tom Cruise (Cancer) came out in his divorce from Gemini Nicole Kidman. He went crazy trying to prove that he was the sane one, and yet Nicole can marry a drunk and come out squeaky clean. And do you think Gemini Angelina will ever forgive Aquarius Jen for being the wronged woman? Angelina will not stop short of adopting every waif on the face of the planet in her efforts to vindicate her man stealing. Oh yeah I said stealing, cause Mercury is also the god of thieves and con artists.

One last thing to keep in mind about Gemini. Never, ask them for directions. Don't take a road trip without a Gemini, they make the miles seem to fly by. But whatever you do, don't let them navigate unless you've got all the time in the world to reach no particular destination.