Say Hello to Sagittarius

Brad Pitt is a Sagittarius and that says pretty much everything you need to know. This is the sign of the beautiful, thoughtful, sexy, talented do-gooder. Although, as unbelievable as this might sound, I'd be willing to bet that there are people on this planet who can't stand Brad Pitt. And that's because Sagittarius is a sign you either love or hate - kind of like Marmite, Bangkok and Britney Spears (also a Sagittarius).

Sagittarius is not the zodiac sign you go to and ask "does my butt look big in this?" not unless you're prepared to hear an unequivocal "yes". Blunt honesty is a trademark of the archer. He's always aiming at the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. A kind Sagittarius, when asked if they will give an honest answer, might reply "only if that's what you really want".

In this week's scopes I talk about Jimi Hendrix and how he was a typical Sagittarius because he was an innovator, a star, a talent beyond measure yada yada yada....the most Sagittarius thing about Jimi Hendrix was the fact that at his death, he had both a German girlfriend and a British girlfriend who argued over the circumstances of his death and the disposition of his assets. Typically there was more than one girlfriend and also typically they were from different countries. Now this is not to say that all Sag's are global players, but they tend to attract a wide variety of admirers, and sometimes the broken ones won't go away. Every Sagittarius has a fan club, and both its members and its victims are legion. Let me put it this way - Christmas should be celebrated on November 25th, because there is no way Jesus Christ was a Capricorn - he was a Sagittarius through and through.

Now this is the one sign that will never lie to you, but that doesn't mean that they won't be quite happy to let you believe about them whatever it is that you want to believe about them, as long as it's to their advantage. Metaphorically speaking, all Sagittarians live life with their fingers crossed behind their backs. This is probably due to the fact that Sag is a mutable sign and needs to be ready to change at a moment's notice. So while you didn't actually hear a 'no', neither did you hear a 'yes'. The fact that you might think you did is neither here nor there to a Sagittarian.

So, there you have it - Sagittarius is a fire sign with a taste for all the life's buffet has to offer - you should either wear Teflon or get out of the kitchen.

The Passions of Scorpio

It’s pretty funny that I made Scorpio wait a week for their love match blogoscope. It’s not easy to make a Scorpio wait for anything. They are creatures of the moment who frequently can gather enough force to make that moment last for quite some time. For this reason, it is never a good idea to stand between a Scorpio and what they want. So without further ado…..

Scorpio with Aries – This will be about as satisfying as stapling mercury to a wall – and you’ll always wonder why you started trying in the first place.

Scorpio with Taurus – It’s like rush hour traffic on the Los Angeles freeway. It’s infuriating and it’s going nowhere fast.

Scorpio with Gemini – This will be an experience similar to eating pop rocks – tasty, tingly, slightly disturbing and ultimately unsatisfying.

Scorpio with Cancer – This will happen on such a deep and private level that even your closest friends won’t realize that the two of you are dating. 

Scorpio with Leo – It’s impossible for the two of you to share a home. Hell you can barely share a planet what with needing to breathe different elements and all.

Scorpio with Virgo – Never have two people who are so obviously working at cross purposes also been so obviously in love. Too bad.

Scorpio with Libra – Oh sure, you wouldn’t send a boy to do a man’s job but would you use a swim fin to kill a mosquito?

Scorpio with Scorpio – Hey who doesn’t want to dance when they hear Superfreak? That doesn’t mean you want to watch Rick James sing it.

Scorpio with Sagittarius – There’s no way this should ever work but I’ve seen it happen. I think it’s because you’re both too stubborn to give up or give in.

Scorpio with Capricorn – Like Charles and Camilla, barring some horrendous accident you will never be more to each other than a dirty little secret. 

Scorpio with Aquarius – Is this a long distance romance? Because that just might work. It’s the only way the two of you can go any distance so get a calling plan.

Scorpio with Pisces – Some people like to have their fish de-boned before they eat them. Of course bones are only an issue if you need to chew before you devour.