Precious Pisces

If you espouse the reincarnation theory of the Zodiac, then Pisces, the last of the twelve symbols, is preparing to leave the worldly wheel forever to travel in the infinite beyond. Which helps explain why they live as though every day is the one before a big trip. There is so much that has to be done prior to leaving and heaven knows they can't trust you to get it right when they're gone. Their symbol is two fish tied together but always heading in different directions - one squinting to see what's up ahead and the other concentrating on holding on to the here and now.

Obviously then, they have a lot on their minds and can therefore be forgiven if they don't react well to surprises, or in fact to any change that they themselves did not initiate. Pisces must know where everything is at any given moment. In the universal game of whack-a-mole, Pisces will throw a full body assault on the game using hands, feet and face to stop any random, unplanned events from erupting.

Pisces also don't really have skin - they are actually just one big permeable membrane. Which means they have difficulty discerning where they end and you begin. They are psychic to a point that scares them because there never seems to be a delineated boundary between what they think and feel and what you think and feel. They live with the very real fear that they might disappear into you completely. Which of course for these little fishies is exactly what they do and do not want. It's a judgement call on their part - consider yourself judged. Pisces is not willing to let your possible sins stand in the way of their sacred redemption so shape up or Pisces will shape you.

Pisces tend to get happier as they get older. Maturity brings with it a certain je ne sais quoi masquerading as fatalism. A compromise is reached between reality and the paranoid delusions. I can't find the source, but I'm willing to be that who ever the person was who first said "I feel much better since I gave up hope" was a Pisces. Give Up already!

So that's Pisces in a gill net for you. Next week we'll talk about Pisces in love - that's when you really get to see their evil side.

The Amourous Aquarius - The What?

Charles M. Schulz once said that he loved mankind, it was people he couldn't stand. He wasn't an Aquarius but he certainly sums up the Water Bearer's attitude to relationships. Groups are better. And yes, that can mean exactly what you're thinking - Aquarius is open minded and experimental - but most often it just means that we find it difficult to have all of our desires met by one individual.

Groucho Marx was quoted as saying that he wouldn't belong to any institution that would have him - no, again, not an Aquarius - and while the whole bunch will have more friends and contacts than any 10 other signs, these are rarely of the institutional kind where membership is purchased. Their lovers are almost always friends first: relationships are usually fluid and organic things - characteristics which should make them strong and flexible. In reality Aquarians frequently lose people who just got tired of waiting for us to come back. This makes romance problematic.

I like to think of Aquarius in love as a cat on a leash. Everything is fine as long as we don't see the string. But that goes both ways. Commitment and loyalty yes - encumbrances no. Remember what I said last week about cutting off our noses? Give an Aquarius an ultimatum and listen to the back door slam. Will we regret it? Possibly. Will you ever know if we do? No.

So Aquarius, who is the wind beneath your wings......

Aquarius with Aries - There's not enough of a breeze here to give you supermodel hair.

Aquarius with Taurus - It's like water skiing behind a canoe - it's just something to do to say you tried it - the start of some good stories.

Aquarius with Gemini - This could work...Gemini won't notice that you've been gone and certainly won't have moved on.

Aquarius with Cancer - It's the challenge I think. I mean how can they resist us? And yet they do. A question of who gives up first.

Aquarius with Leo - The sex is phenomenal but they'll either cheat on you in some public and embarrassing way, or never get off your couch.

Aquarius with Virgo - Virgo will be continually whipping out contracts which Aquarius signs in invisible ink. This could get litigious.

Aquarius with Libra - And everyone calls you the crazy one! Ha. The upside is that Libra can conduct the entire relationship without you.

Aquarius with Scorpio - Crockery and curses flying thick and fast. Like a tornado it's wet and noisy and leaves one hell of a mess in its wake.

Aquarius with Sagittarius - Just how open-minded are you? This one is a hot potato you're best advised to drop before you get burned.

Aquarius with Capricorn - You would be the dirty little secret. That can be fun but it also means that you're second fiddle so that's a wash.

Aquarius with Aquarius - Relationship so open it looks like lace a doily. It will be a beautiful thing in your minds and that's where it counts.

Aquarius with Pisces - You want to leave but how can you when they're looking at you with those sad puppy dog eyes? Better now than later.